


i'm running (into your heart)

by optimusfine



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Sad feelings, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Threesome, basically zero mention of the rest of the band lmao, fuck capital letters, monogamous established relationships to polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 15:50:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/optimusfine/pseuds/optimusfine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he doesn’t know what he wants, doesn’t know why or how, only knows that he wishes he could grab onto minseok the way lu han does, bury his face in the curve of his shoulders at airports and no one gives a shit. he wants lu han to look at him the way he looks at minseok, like there’s nothing more precious in the world, and he feels selfish and sick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm running (into your heart)

  
jongdae watches, and jongdae sees. it’s hard not to.  
  
they’re not exactly subtle.  
  
lu han’s fingers curl around minseok’s waist like they’re meant to be there, palms dragged under minseok’s shirt to touch pale skin. minseok presses into the touch, hands finding lu han’s wrists to hold, and when lu han drops his forehead onto the curve of minseok’s shoulder blades, minseok swipes his thumb over the inside of lu han’s wrists where his hands have hooked together around minseok’s waist.  
  
there’s an ache in jongdae’s chest, burning, and he feels it crawl up his throat and choke him when minseok looks up and catches his eye, waves happily.  
  
lu han is jolted by the motion and he looks up as well, smiling at jongdae.  
  
jongdae smiles back, clear and bright while he feels like he’s about to throw up, and flees.  
  
he _wants_.  
  
—  
  
it starts as a simple attraction. jongdae’s not fond of differentiating between men and women when it comes to attraction; if you’re hot, you’re hot, and that’s good enough for him.  
  
and lu han and minseok? they’re hot. in different ways, but equally so. minseok is all soft curves, pale skin, cheeks that widen when he smiles (which is often) and push his eyes into tiny crescents. he’s a naturally cheery guy, friendly to jongdae even when they’re all new and nervous, fidgeting around each other because they’re a band, a unit, a team, but they’re still strangers and it’s awkward.  
  
it’s easy to click with minseok, a certain comfort about the older man that runs deeper than being able to cling to each other like a lifeline when being in a country so different than their own becomes too much.  
  
lu han is a bit harder to get to know, at first. he resents being called pretty (even though he is he is) and he doesn’t really have a place the way the others do. kris is the charming and mysterious leader, tao is the kickass maknae who cries after their first show, yixing is the gentle dancer, minseok is the adorable one who surprises with his talent, and jongdae is the comedic relief.  
  
lu han doesn’t really fit, and it’s complicated.  
  
it takes a few weeks for them to settle into each other comfortably, jongdae being a general nuisance for lu han and lu han bullying him, but there’s a certain fondness in lu han’s face when jongdae trips over his chinese, and lu han stays up late to practice with him, correcting his pronunciation with a soft laugh.  
  
it’s actually in the middle of a chinese lesson, sprawled on a pile of blankets on the floor of lay and lu han’s room, that jongdae notices. minseok had come in a few minutes ago to practice with them (mostly with jongdae; lu han had gotten somewhat exasperated with jongdae and immersed himself on his computer) and jongdae had shifted to make room for him.  
  
lu han hadn’t moved, spread out on his stomach, and minseok had sat next to him, leaning across the book to study.  
  
jongdae catches movement out of the corner of his eye, and sees lu han’s fingers curl around minseok’s ankle where his feet were tucked under his knees. it’s a casual touch, almost absentminded in its lightness, lu han’s thumb barely stroking the curve of minseok’s ankle bone, and jongdae forgets about it.  
  
but then minseok untwists his legs, pressing up to shift closer to the books spread out in front of jongdae, and steadies himself with a hand on lu han’s shoulder. his fingers dip under the collar of lu han’s shirt, knuckles pressed against bare skin, and lu han tilts his head without looking up from his computer to brush the curve of his cheek against minseok’s touch, and jongdae feels something in his stomach jolt.  
  
that’s not casual. there’s an intimacy in that touch that no amount of friendship will explain, not even when they’re all spending nearly hour of every day together, pressed into a dorm that’s not nearly big enough for the six of them.  
  
there’s a sudden rushing in jongdae’s ears, minseok’s voice distorted when he asks him what’s wrong, and jongdae shakes his head.  
  
"nothing, hyung."  
  
—  
  
it’s more noticeable after that. or maybe jongdae is just paying more attention.  
  
he knows they’re brash on stage, lu han pulling minseok into him with a grip on his forearm, or kisses to each other when they know people are watching. it’s a game, their skinship; the fans love it, and it comes so easy.  
  
but offstage is different. it’s the way lu han shuffles into the kitchen in the morning and runs his fingers over the back of minseok’s neck when he walks past him at the table, the way minseok laughs too loud at lu han’s bad jokes, the way they curl into each other when they’re sitting on the couch, the way they look at each other when they don’t think anyone is watching.  
  
—  
  
jongdae starts spending less time with them, beginning to feel more and more like an outsider as he watches them interact. he knows they’re not doing it on purpose, and that’s what hurts the most. they don’t even notice themselves.  
  
he practices dance routines with yixing at the studio late into the night, forces his body to its limit and past until he forgets about minseok and lu han and the way his chest aches when he thinks about them. he doesn’t know what he wants, doesn’t know why or how, only knows that he wishes he could grab onto minseok the way lu han does, bury his face in the curve of his shoulders at airports and no one gives a shit. he wants lu han to look at him the way he looks at minseok, like there’s nothing more precious in the world, and he feels selfish and sick.  
  
they’re his friends, his best friends, and they’re obviously happy.  
  
who is he to disrupt that?  
  
—  
  
a few weeks later, it all comes to a head.  
  
jongdae exits the studio leaving a still amped looking yixing in his wake, barely able to feel his feet as he limps out of the room and vaguely hears the starting tones of another hiphop song starting. how yixing does it, he’ll never know.  
  
he very nearly stumbles into the dorm, limbs like kimchi spaghetti and head pounding. his skin is too tight around his muscles, still soaked with sweat, and all he wants to do is take a hot shower and collapse into bed.  
  
lu han and minseok are on the couch when he walks in, fitted together like puzzle pieces with minseok’s knees tucked into the space under lu han’s ribs and lu han’s arm slung over the back of the couch, hand absently carding through minseok’s bright red hair.  
  
there’s no other sound in the dorm except whatever is on the tv, and jongdae pokes his head into the kitchen, looking for their leader and maknae.  
  
"they’re out shopping," he hears, and he spins around to see minseok and lu han both looking at him.  
  
the light from the tv is casting weird shadows on their faces, highlighting the dark circles under the lu han’s eyes that have become more prominent lately and the fine lines of his face, the curve of minseok’s cheekbones nearly startling in the glow.  
  
"ah," jongdae says, dropping his bag on a nearby chair.  
  
the atmosphere is uncomfortable at best, tension thick in the air between them, and jongdae realizes this is the first time he’s been alone with the two in almost a month. they’re still staring, lu han’s hand still in minseok’s hair, and jongdae bites his bottom lip.  
  
"well, i’m gonna go show-"  
  
"jongdae-ah."  
  
it’s minseok this time, looking more worried than jongdae has ever seen him, dark eyes wide in the soft light, and jongdae finds himself moving before minseok says another word.  
  
he finds himself perched on the edge of the coffee table, minseok’s small hands curling around his wrists to keep him there.  
  
"we know you’ve been avoiding us."  
  
jongdae flicks his gaze over to lu han, whose face is impassive, but his eyes are worried and sad, and jongdae feels bile rising in his throat.  
  
he did this to them. he put that expression on their faces.  
  
he swallows, looks away and tries to pull out of minseok’s grip.  
  
in one swift move, he’s pulled forward, minseok’s small body hiding a lot of strength, and jongdae lands onto the couch between them, still sore limbs falling everywhere.  
  
it’s a confusing next 30 seconds; one moment jongdae is struggling, flailing as he tries to untangle himself from the group of his elders, and the next moment there’s a hand curling under his jaw, another pair of hands curving around the slight  bend of his waist, and he’s being kissed.  
  
he grabs for something to hold onto, finds a thick handful of blonde handful and realizes with a start that it’s lu han kissing him and minseok’s fingers on his stomach, hot even through the cotton of his shirt and the jacket he forgot he was still wearing.  
  
the kiss is soft, and warm, and so completely unexpected that jongdae’s head is spinning.  
  
lu han pulls back after a few moments, looking up at jongdae through his blonde fringe, and there’s a chin hooked over jongdae’s shoulder, the warm smell of minseok’s shampoo invading his senses.  
  
"we missed you."  
  
"…what?"  
  
it’s all jongdae can say, breath heaving in his chest as he stares at lu han with wide eyes, feeling more than hearing the frustrated sound minseok makes against his skin.  
  
"jongdae," is all the warning he gets before he finds himself being pushed again, and he’d be mad at how he gets no say in this if he wasn’t so confused.  
  
this time it’s minseok who kisses him, softer and sweeter than lu han, breath warm against his mouth, and also unlike lu han, he waits. they’re just breathing into each other’s mouths for what feels like forever when jongdae hears a soft “didn’t you miss us too?” with a forehead pressed against the curve of his shoulder, and the groan he makes when he lurches forward is lost in minseok’s mouth.  
  
there’s a scramble of limbs, of clothing and hands everywhere and jongdae is so lost. he feels like he’s in a whirlwind, only catching bits and pieces of what’s happening: minseok and lu han locked together over his shoulder, lu han’s teeth digging into minseok’s bottom lip; flashes of pale skin as minseok strips his shirt over his head and leans in to kiss jongdae again, making a pleased sound when jongdae kisses back instantly; lu han’s hand curling slick and hot around jongdae’s dick, fingers long and ghastly green in the light from the still flickering television; the feel of minseok’s hair under jongdae’s hand as jongdae thrusts up into lu han’s grip; the warmth that spills over jongdae’s stomach when he comes with a cry and the world goes white.  
  
coming down takes longer than usual, and jongdae still doesn’t feel quite right when his vision finally clears and he can see lu han’s shirt hiked up around his chest, minseok’s sweats hooked around his knees, and jongdae still has a sock on.  
  
lu han and minseok are kissing, their mouths making slick sounds against each other as minseok’s fingers trace the curve of lu han’s bicep, and jongdae feels sick again. they fit together, minseok’s soft lines melding perfectly into lu han’s sharp angles, and jongdae wonders where he fits.  
  
maybe he doesn’t.  
  
he doesn’t even get halfway off the couch before there are arms looping around his waist and pulling him back down, minseok knelt in front of him on the cushions, sweats hanging low on his hips and eyes dark. jongdae’s never seen the look on his face before.  
  
something must show in his expression, because minseok softens, leans in with a hand running through jongdae’s hair and fingers skating over his cheek when he kisses him, soft and chaste.  
  
"i missed you." jongdae feels lu han nod in agreement, and the thick knot in his stomach that’s been there for months loosens, just a little bit.  
  
"i don’t understand."  
  
why now? why them? why him?  
  
 _why?_  
  
lu han laughs, low and hot against the sensitive skin of jongdae’s neck, and a shiver jumps up jongdae’s spine.  
  
"you are not very smart, kim jongdae."  
  
the sting in the words is lessened by the kiss lu han presses against the curve of jongdae’s bare shoulder, and minseok slips his hands up the line of jongdae’s ribs, fitting his fingers into the spaces between them like he was meant to be there.  
  
maybe he was.  
  
maybe they both were.  
  
jongdae knows he should ask questions, that they should have a conversation about this, because they need to have a conversation about this, he doesn’t even know what this is, but minseok’s thumbs brushes the spot on his ribs that nearly sends him reeling, choked gasp caught in his throat, and minseok and lu han share a glance over his shoulder.  
  
and as minseok leans in and sucks at the spot, hard, and lu han’s fingers are creeping down the line of jongdae’s sternum, thumbs rubbing circles over jongdae’s nipples, jongdae thinks maybe that conversation can wait until morning.


End file.
